


If we're going to die anyway...

by kittyhazelnut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 confession scene rewrite, M/M, the cw can choke on a lego
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyhazelnut/pseuds/kittyhazelnut
Summary: in an alternate universe where the cw wasn't a coward...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 71





	If we're going to die anyway...

“I’m sorry.”

Death is _literally_ knocking at the door, ready to take them both down, and he’s _sorry_. 

_This_ is what the prophecy meant when it said “the righteous man.” Only Dean Winchester would stand there, barricaded in a dungeon, Death a mere 15 feet away, and decide he needs to _apologize_. 

Doesn’t he get it? He has nothing to apologize for. Castiel wanted to come with him -- he’s _always_ wanted to come with him. He’s been to hell and back for the guy on multiple occasions, and he still hasn’t pieced it together?

A small smile creeps up on Castiel’s face. Of course he hasn’t. This is Dean Winchester, after all; he’s the epitome of self-confidence issues. He always has been. Castiel still remembers the first time they met -- on the earthly plane, at least. He thought good things didn’t happen, that he didn’t deserve to be saved. A good, selfless man -- a man who gave everything to save others -- and he didn’t think he deserved to be saved. 

Castiel realized not long afterward that he would follow Dean anywhere. Apparently Dean didn’t get the memo.

“What?” Dean asks, his brows furrowed together. “What are you --” He glances around the dungeon, like he’s expecting someone or something to have shown up behind him. “What are you smiling at?”

“You.”

Dean almost seems to recoil at that, so taken aback by the prospect that his mere existence can bring joy as if Castiel hasn’t tried to show him that time and time again. “Me?”

 _Thud._ Billie takes another swing at the door.

“Yes, you,” Castiel says, his smile growing a little bigger. 

Dean glances around the room again, confused. “Does that mean you… you have a plan, or…”

“I don’t have a plan,” Castiel says, but his smile doesn’t falter. “We’re both going to die.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Weird thing to celebrate but okay.”

“No, it’s not that,” Castiel says, and _god_ , how is it possible for one man to be so oblivious? 

Dean runs a hand down his face. “Right, okay.”

He really doesn’t get it, does he? Usually Castiel doesn’t mind; he can show him love in little ways and it’s almost as nice. But that’s not an option anymore. They’re both going to die in a couple of minutes, and --

 _Thud_.

Oh, what the hell. End of the world, right?

“Dean.”

“Yeah, Cas?”

Castiel takes a step closer, reaching out to touch Dean’s arm. “Thank you.”

Dean gives a dry laugh at that. “For what? Getting us killed?”

Castiel shakes his head. “For making these last 12 years the most meaningful years of my life.”

Dean furrows his brows.

“When I rebelled from Heaven all those years ago,” Castiel tells him, “I did it _for you_. I did it because I _knew_ you, and I _knew_ you would do whatever it took to save the world, and I have seen you do it time and time again since. You’ve always put everyone and everything above yourself.”

“Well, that’s…” He gives a small shrug. “Someone’s gotta do it.”

“But it didn’t have to be you,” Castiel says. “And you did it anyway, and that selflessness, that… that altruistic way of life, _that’s_ why I fell for you.”

_Thud._

The dim lights of the dungeon reflect off the tears in Dean’s eyes. “Cas…”

“I love you, Dean,” Castiel says quietly. “I have for years. And I was never going to tell you because I know you don’t feel the same way, but since we’re both going to die anyways, I thought --”

Dean pulls him close and presses their lips together, and for a moment, time seems to stop. Castiel can feel his heart pounding in his chest, so loudly and so violently that he finds himself wondering if Dean can feel it too, with their bodies pressed up against each other’s. 

In the past, he’s always had to rely on external sources to tell him how to kiss; with Dean, it just _happens_. They find a rhythm immediately, their mouths moving in sync with each other as if this were meant to happen but it _wasn’t_ ; Chuck had no hand in this. _This_ is free will. _This_ is what’s been taken from them.

_Thud._

Their lips separate, but their bodies don’t. Castiel looks into Dean’s eyes -- those gorgeous green eyes -- and he’s speechless. That… that just happened?

This time, it’s Dean who’s smiling, though it’s a sad smile. “Are you telling me we could have done this years ago?”

Castiel gives a small laugh, more a heavy exhale than anything else. “So you…?”

_Bang!_

They both whip around at the noise just in time to see Billie break open the door. So this is it. This is how they go out -- at the hands of Death herself.

Without taking his eyes off of the former reaper approaching them, Dean takes Castiel’s hand in his own. Castiel looks over at him, surprised, and Dean meets his gaze.

“If we’re going to die, we’re going to die together,” Dean says. 

Castiel can feel the tears welling in his eyes, and he fights the urge to let them fall. “I love you.”

Dean gives him one last smile. “I love you too, Cas.”

“Oh, isn’t that sweet,” Billie says, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “But love can’t save you this time.”

There’s a soft squelching behind them, but neither of the men turn around. They’ve made their peace with this, not that they had much choice in the matter. Whatever happens next happens.

Billie’s eyes widen. “No, it can’t--”

Castiel doesn’t have time to process the darkness that sucks her in before he feels the Empty begin to envelop him, too. He finds himself frozen, the shadow that surrounds him paralyzing his limbs. In an instant, Dean is in front of him, his hand cupping Castiel’s face as his panicked eyes scan the angel up and down. 

“Cas, what’s happening?” Dean asks, his voice wavering. 

Of course. 

The Empty.

He hadn’t thought of the Empty until now, though in hindsight he can’t believe he didn’t see this coming. “A moment of true happiness,” it said. Well, here his happiness is, standing right in front of him with pleading eyes.

He wishes he could explain, but there’s no time. It’s probably better that Dean doesn’t know. If he knew his love brought this on… Well, he doesn’t need another burden to carry.

Castiel swallows hard. “Goodbye, Dean.”

The darkness surrounds him, and he’s gone.

…

…

…

…

…

And then he’s back.

Kind of.

“Jack?” Castiel cocks his head to the side, eyes squinted slightly. 

Jack smiles, and he’s reminded, not for the first time, of the first time Jack spoke to him, showing him a world of peace. Jack has always had that air to him, that quality that always feels like the calm in the middle of a storm. If Castiel had to take a guess, the power radiating off of him has to be the storm. 

“Hi, Cas,” Jack says. “Welcome back to Heaven.”

Castiel looks around. It definitely _feels_ like Heaven, but it doesn’t look familiar. If this is somewhere he’s been before, he doesn’t remember it. He doesn’t think that’s the important thing right now.

“What happened?” Castiel asks. “How am I alive?”

“I made a deal with the Empty,” Jack says. 

“You --”

“Not like that,” he says quickly. “I said I would leave it alone if it would give you back, and it did.”

Castiel blinks in surprise. Well, if it was _that_ easy…

“I have a lot more power over the universe than I use to,” Jack says by way of explanation. “We both agreed it would be best to stay on each other’s good sides -- or at least to stay away from each other’s bad sides.” He grabs Castiel’s hand and pulls him away. “Now come on. There’s something you need to see.”

Castiel lets Jack pull him through Heaven because he owes the kid that much. As they walk, Jack explains what’s happened on earth in the weeks Jack was in negotiation with the Empty (and he has a sneaking suspicion that Jack’s idea of ‘negotiation’ was similar to the ‘negotiaion’ Castiel pulled all those years ago, which, in simpler terms, is ‘being annoying.’) Chuck is human; Sam and Dean are working small hunts; there’s a dog living in ~~Dean’s room~~ the bunker. It seems like an eventful time.

They find themselves in front of Harvelle’s Roadhouse, and now Casitel _knows_ he’s somewhere in Heaven that he’s never been before. He gives Jack a puzzled look. Where are they? How does Jack even know what the Roadhouse is?

Jack pats Castiel on the arm. “Give it a minute.”

“What --”

“Trust me.” 

Jack disappears, and Castiel is left standing in front of the Roadhouse by himself, with no idea what he’s doing here. He’s had enough surprises for one lifetime; he’s not sure how to feel about whatever surprise Jack has left for him.

“Cas?”

Castiel gasps before he can stop himself. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. He turns around to see Dean standing just a few feet away, gaping. Jack said it’s only been a few weeks, so what is he…?

“Is this…” Dean looks around for a few seconds. “Is this a memory?”

Castiel shakes his head.

“So you’re really…”

Castiel smiles. “I’m really here.”

Without another moment of hesitation, Dean launches himself at the angel, enveloping him in the biggest hug he’s ever had. Castiel wraps his arms around him, holding him tight.

“I can’t believe it’s really you,” Dean whispers. 

Castiel burrows his face in the crook of his neck, trying to take this all in.

“Did you mean it?” Dean asks quietly. “What you said, it wasn’t just a ‘we’re going to die’ moment of hysteria?”

Castiel fights back a laugh. “Of course I meant it, Dean.”

Dean tilts his head to the side, resting his cheek on Castiel’s head. “Good, because I love you too much to pretend there’s nothing between us for the rest of eternity.”


End file.
